hybrid emotions

2011-09-05T03:22:00.002+08:00

wtf..? saw ayanami in office today! @___@ freak...hmm...wont stop haunting huh? naise........

jack, is it what my heart truly desires? can i have that compass of yours? i need to know the answer

2011-09-03T03:41:00.002+08:00

i dont know why i still try. you give me a "yes" feeling but your actions shows otherwise. hmm...how bout just go straight to the point? dont worry i can take the truth! i'll give ya till end of this month then. if it stills continue this way, then i'd be at the sidewalk.

2011-08-22T01:35:00.007+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PP!!!!!

STRIVE TOWARDS LOCAL BEST AND BEYOND!!!!!!!!!!!!

today seminar was amazing. our 1st year anniversary. almost shed tears! @__@ next seminar, it'll be me as awardee or even host at the same time! hehe.

lets gun down by next seminar!!:
- Top SM award
- PCI and/or LCI Achiever with "plak"
- Top SOM award
- Top Associate

by 31st October 2011 i shall be a PCI achiever!!!

by 31st December 2011 i shall drive my Honda Integra Type R!!!

by 31st December 2011 i shall be a SOM cum PCI!!!

by 31st January 2012 i shall be a SOM cum LCI!!!

by 29th February 2012 i shall drive my Alfa Romeo Brera Spider!!!

by 30th June 2012 i shall be an AM!!!

by 31st December 2012 i shall be a AM driving my Maserati Grancabrio!!!

ALL THE WAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-08-20T23:52:00.002+08:00

kimek...otak nak pecah, hati pun nak pecah. boleh mampus sia gini...zz! gahhh! bingit bingit bingit!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hmm....nak cari kasut! mane sia nk cari! besok petang kul 1030 dah nak kene jumpe!!!!!!!!!! kimek....hmmmm............solution solution! zzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! harapan nk dekat hilang!

INNER PEACE!!!!!!!!! ANCHOR!!!!!!!!!!!!! VISUALIZE!!!!!!!!!! FOCUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! CONCENTRATE!!!!!!!!!! HMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!

2011-08-16T14:39:00.000+08:00

im your hate when you want love.

her resolve to make you stronger than your reason permits.

2011-08-13T19:53:00.003+08:00

now i know why i've been reacting as such when i see it, hear it and already predicted it.

you just resemble too much of ayanami's character! :O sigh...

most things that you do, ayanami does too.

walking back home, japanese culture, simple thinking, etc..

once again, i can only stand behind and watch.

happen to Ayanami and now with you too.

i barely made it when it first happen. to think now i have to watch till the end of my career?

2011-08-13T05:02:00.004+08:00

just by the side watching you.
so what..im just a spare tyre to you right?

wish i could revive my wife! things will be better than how it is now.

glad i got Kiara to always turn to. best friends for live. more than 12 years of friendship and still counting. losing you will be the most excruciating thing ever. you've sworn to be by my side when i need it most and you've clearly been there EVERY SINGLE TIME! thanks Kiara.

to that girl, i just wanna wish a best of luck. just know that ya got a friend one phone call away, distance which isn't a problem as well.

soreja, mata aimasho.

2011-08-11T02:32:00.002+08:00

hmmm...have i? am i? but why? what cause the attraction? if there is an attraction in the first place. hmmm...why do what you did when ya dont have to? should i trust in it just like how i trusted it years ago? why do i fear to place my trust once again. fear of falling down again?

2011-07-06T01:09:00.002+08:00

maybe i just need somebody to love. but i dont think there could be anybody else but you.

boku wa kimi no subete nado shittewa inai darou
soredemo ichiokunin kara kimi wo mitsuketayo
konkyo wa naikedo honki de omotterunda

2011-07-03T02:59:00.003+08:00

somehow i feel that im wrong in everything. sometimes i feel its not the best of me. this fear, yet accompanied by a restriction. deprived it may seem. but yearning for one it is. to be felt is to feel. im feeling but not being felt.

ayanami, hitomi wo tojireba anata ga.

2011-05-26T21:05:00.001+08:00

can already smell my car and licence! soooooo nearrrr!~ :D

2011-05-04T00:48:00.002+08:00

what past is past. what was painful only used to be painful.
thank you Mister Sam Lee! I would like to thanks you once again for helping me breakthrough. I would also like to thanks CEO and the management for arranging such a marvelous session for us!

Month of May...

This month, more things will happen. Equipping myself with Mister Lee's lesson at the very beginning of the month is definitely a plus for me. So all my brother and sister, lets fight together!

To Know But Yet To Do Is Yet To Know.

RELAX
IMAGINE
ACHOR

2011-04-10T01:30:00.002+08:00

all these scars left behind by you.

no matter how hard i try to remove these feelings, its still there.

and now i wonder should i still tell myself that someday you will be mine?

2011-03-11T11:43:00.000+08:00

why is that girl in my dreams lately..?
i dont see the link?!

2011-02-04T21:45:00.001+08:00

im just a nuisance to everyone. :(

2011-01-23T03:12:00.003+08:00

lately Ayanami...you've been on my mind. even in one of my dreams.
this heart wouldn't mind loving you once again.

2011-01-11T21:18:00.002+08:00

everybody's changing.
everybody is moving on.
i've decided to change, to move on as well.

the sun rises deep from the horizon
kissing the sky giving a warm greeting
will it forever be there?

2010-12-21T02:29:00.000+08:00

which one? hmmm :/

2010-12-21T02:28:00.001+08:00

ya know. i still feel that you are irreplaceable.

2010-12-05T01:49:00.002+08:00

i know i aint good with that. since you got the knowledge, why didnt you correct/guide me to help me improve? instead you tell me now that im not needed cause i ont perform to expectations. aiyo. why didnt you tell me which specific areas to improve on and gimme tips. bu you just keep quiet. like hello..! i dont have a tutor or a PT to correct me everytime i practise. do learn to lead. i cant say im a good leader but at least i help my friends in whatever way i can to help them improve. ho well, guess you guys dont really take the initiative to do so. oh well..whats the point. things are over. i cant do no shit. i've got several options.

change topic*

well. today seems fine. i hope my activities this month really goes according to plan. i've only got a few days left!

2010-11-18T21:31:00.003+08:00

dulu kau kate nk balik ngn aku. abeh kau tinggalkan aku gitu aje.
sekarang, kau panggil aku pagi pagi, kejut aku, suruh aku teman kau gi lecture pukul sebelas?
aku dah lah tunggu. kau lambat abeh kau suruh aku gi sekolah dulu.
mampus..kau dah kenapa?
kelas pukul dua, aku keluar rumah pukul 1015. lepas tu kau suruh aku gi sekolah? kau dah tebiat ape?
nak buat ape siol! =.=
kimek...dah nk dua kali sia kau bubble aku!
nasib kau pompuan.
nasib aku suka dengan kau (belom lagi cinta, tapi ade lah sikit. hehe.)
haiz. nasib nasib. peh puki ar!

2010-11-13T14:34:00.002+08:00

I've finally moved on.
this girl called asuka (not the real name)
she's sweet
she's bitter
she sings
her falsetto is not too bad. nice to listen to.
makes me smile every time I'm in class.
fell for her charms
fell for her traps
fell under her spell
there and there this fragile heart has been played.
somehow i sense hypocritical attitude and behavior
to not be left by others but leaving others behind as she please.
the jubilant state i was in cluttered to the ground.
and i kept asking myself, when will all these shit ever going to end.

2010-10-25T23:22:00.001+08:00

when im down, suddenly ayanami comment on my wallpost. omg. im completely messed up now. god gimme a sign!

2010-10-25T22:58:00.004+08:00

first day of school kinda suck! T.T

she saw me smoking at the bus stop. aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!! doomed! there goes the fish. haha...fucked! fuuhh! really fucked. she aint responding to me on msn. mampus.....guys lets grab some some and drink. im a goner for sure.

2010-10-17T05:06:00.004+08:00

perit untuk membuang segala kenangan. pahit untuk mengingati kenangan. yang tinggal hanyalah bayangan. segala yang aku inginkan hanya sekadar bayangan.

semakin lama aku simpan, semakin sakit. semua yang aku telah lakukan sia-sia sahaja. kenapa bila aku memberi tumpuan, kerja keras, sepenuh hati dalam sesuatu, ia bagai air jatuh di muka daun.

things are so damn fucked up. still with nobody to turn, here i am, falling apart once again. everybody fucks, everybody sucks, everybody cry, everybody die. being sensitive towards other's feelings is just my self suicide. where's the joy in that?

Despite all that, just wanna let you know that you gave me the best moments i could ever wished for and the epitome of my happiness.

Sayonara, Ayanami..

2010-10-10T16:16:00.000+08:00

well then. i leave her in your hands.

Tertutup sudah pintu.
yang pernah dibuka waktu hanya untukmu.
kini kau pergi dari hidupku.
ku harus relakanmu walau aku tk mau.

sayonara, Rei Ayanami.

2010-09-23T04:07:00.001+08:00

still missing you.
no matter what the situation maybe, i cant give it my all like how i did for you.
i cant deny that i'm still shouting your name.

2010-09-05T12:16:00.000+08:00

yet another dream of you
Ayanami Rei Sky

2010-09-04T03:28:00.002+08:00

at times like these, i wish i could be the one embracing you as you surpass this phase in life. i know that it is all to no avail but i cant stop myself from thinking. :(

Ayanami Rei Sky

2010-09-01T23:26:00.002+08:00

31st August

FUNN!! :DDD

went back to TMS for teachers day! wanted to see the DnT peeps but they not there! :( dang! then off to sakae sushi. but i didnt eat of course! fasting mahh! hahha.. just accompanied karyee, shirley, shiying, yvonne and shuting go eat. haha. though i didnt eat it was fun! hahs. play games. hahha. after that met moody to go break fast together at century square food culture. the western is imba! maybe cause i havent eat western food in a long time but.. fuuuuhh! IMBA! wanna eat there again some other time! then after that had a canine managers meet up at cinneleisure. took 2 hours. long or what! then...er...ho ya! go grandlink with mahmood. cause he wanna play l4d2. WTH! WHY ALWAYS TANK COME TO ME FIRST SIA! ALWAYS ATTACK ME! EVEN WHEN I PLAY ON XBOX 360. :(( finished playing at 2 am. hhahahahha...thats it!

today...
stayed at home to study! OMG NOTHING IS GOING INTO MY HEAD! NOOOOOOO!! AHHHHH!! :((

2010-08-19T00:21:00.001+08:00

just so you know ayanami...im still here.

nurui namida ga hoo wo tsutau.

2010-08-16T22:17:00.000+08:00

haiz...time running short! c'mon c'mon....

2010-07-14T14:07:00.002+08:00

there's just that side which i cant get to. but yet it shown itself freely to others. why can i just let it go. cant let go. but every time your face appears right before my eyes, my heart says forgiven. :(

2010-06-24T19:24:00.003+08:00

damn pain sia..even my dreams are full of agony. what more when i saw what was written. maybe i just dont have what it takes. haiz...not even if get my car right now can resolve this problem. i think i made the wrong move by putting the best of me into what i gave. :(

2010-06-11T05:05:00.002+08:00

im afraid i just cant seem to let it all go.

2010-06-11T05:05:00.001+08:00

im afraid i just cant seem to let it all go.

2010-06-08T13:50:00.001+08:00

it'll be my last move then i give up.

Ayanami Rei Sky

2010-05-22T02:14:00.002+08:00

i called for another person but yet we turned to each other's direction. is there still a connection? :O i can feel it. can you? or are you just pretending to not know it. i see you almost everywhere i go. so are you my blessing or my curse?

Ayanami Rei Sky

2010-04-23T21:41:00.000+08:00

update time!

i guess its time to be the bad guy. sick of being the good guy. pardon me those people who dont like it, but i guess i need to let it all out. hahaha..

Ayanami Rei Sky

2010-04-15T02:10:00.000+08:00

D:

noooo

2010-04-13T04:40:00.000+08:00

urgh..
its killing me!

2010-04-08T02:55:00.001+08:00

there's just something that isn't right..

2010-03-31T04:01:00.004+08:00

so many things to think about. but yet i cant do anything about them.

:(

where's your melody when im lost,
does it come with such a cost?
there's no pathway and directions,
and i feel this apathy.

will the sun rise and give me strength.
hoping tomorrow will be resplendent.
will the wind blow away this predicament.
lift me up with sincerity

filled with vex this heart had been
wishing that pain becomes unseen.
living a life that's full of sorrow
not reaping all the things we sow.

Ayanami Rei Sky

2010-03-20T14:27:00.001+08:00

ǝɔɐɹqɯǝ ʇsɐl ʇɐɥʇ ɹoɟ noʎ ʞsɐ oʇ pǝʍollɐ ı ɯɐ

2010-03-07T23:44:00.000+08:00

D:

:(

):

Ayanami Rei Sky

2010-03-07T14:42:00.002+08:00

tomorrow getting my ME badge! yeah! MM is next! :D
like always, there are challenges and struggles.
especially now. :O
what to do? face them!

went there yesterday.
didnt know what to do.
was feeling like a complete idiot.

Ayanami Rei Sky

2010-03-03T02:48:00.001+08:00

Ayanami Rei Sky

2010-03-03T02:48:00.000+08:00

Ayanami Rei Sky

2010-03-02T22:32:00.000+08:00

the day is coming... :S

2010-02-23T11:57:00.001+08:00

Marketing Executive already! woo! so many new promotees in my group. ahha. C'mon lar~~. hahaha. yes! Canine top team ! i'll hit my manager position by 13 march! ahhaha. watch out nasri and ridzwan! ahhaha

2010-02-23T11:54:00.002+08:00

those aren't opinions and thoughts. those are judgements. =.= i made no judgements about you. pfft. so much for logic. _|_ hahaha

2010-02-21T02:26:00.001+08:00

must hit ME.. :D

i could care less if the sky falls
i could care less if my cup is filled with water
but i'll catch you if you ever fall
and if you eyes fills up with tears

Ayanami Rei Sky

2010-02-18T02:57:00.002+08:00

now you piss me off.
no logic? fine mr SO MUCH LOGIC. have it your way. only you have logic while people around you dont.

take things for granted? FUCK OFF. what do you know about the real me. NOTHING. so dont blab about me like that. pfft.

2 faced? everybody is two faced. you dont always show what you are feeling do you? so fuck off! everybody is two faced. including me. once again, fuck off!

Ayanami Rei Sky

2010-02-16T21:16:00.001+08:00

wish i could have been the joy if that day happens to be dull boring for you. hmm

Ayanami Rei Sky

2010-02-15T02:17:00.001+08:00

nasri ME sehh!
ridhuan SE sehh!
and im an SE! haha.
well my cousins are here from saturday morning. not sure when they'll go back. haha. black menthol! hahas. well should go sleep now. gonna go to the beach this morning. see ya!

Ayanami, hope you have a fun time! :D

Ayanami Rei Sky

2010-02-13T21:03:00.001+08:00

well i aint gonna waste my time.
soooo not worth my time.

Ayanami Rei Sky

2010-02-12T03:44:00.002+08:00

im gonna be straight forward and get to the point. so i can get agrressive and offensive but this is the truth.

you believe them? people make it and people dont! its how much effort you put in! DO YOU SEE ME GOING TO RAYMOND ASKING HIM TO TEACH ME MATHS? use your fucking brains! i look for people who made it through! i seek pei yun's help for my maths! and not look to people who fail! you want me show you the car achievers? come lar! you think i dont know who they are? you want me show you a car achiever and show you his car? caome ar! why i'm so confident? because THEY HAVE DONE IT! you chased after karyee since sec 2 but you always fail. why didnt you give up after your first rejection? why you decided to keep trying? NOTHING you do in life has NO obstacles and challenges. you want me show you what i achieve after 3 months? how would you know i put in the same effort as you? how would you know you put in more effort than me? i have my own solid and concrete reasons for staying. and mine is NOT about MONEY or the ASSETS! do you even ask me why i joined them? DO YOU? like he said. what you've seen in the booklet is only 20%, wanna know more, come back for training! afraid that when you come back for training you'll be proven wrong? why people quit? like he already said, you can CHOOSE to run it part time or full time. he wont be staying in the company FOREVER because he want to start a cafe! he joined the company to make it as a platform to achieve that dream of his! that super long post you show me, that person has PERSONAL problem with the leader. leaders making sick jokes? people need to distress. why dont you scold nabil/haziq/syakir when they make a sick comment? why DONT you? because you know them. so before even getting to know somebody, dont jump to conclusions. im not forcing you to join. you want to see me get a car or 20k then you join? why dont you ask Temasek Poly this " if you can guarantee me that i get a 4.0 GPA, i join TP " why DONT you say that? why didnt you ask your parents " if you can guarantee me that i can get below 10 points for my o level, i will go through secondary school " why DONT you say that? why bill gates as an example? because he is the BEST example! like how Mrs Ng our SS teacher use wen pin or matthew for examples. why does she choose them? because they are the one who score well for SS and make them as role models, people that SS failures like me can look up to! why dont wen pin/ matthew ask help from me about SS? BECAUSE I SUCK AT THAT SUBJECT! you wouldnt ask somebody for help at areas he is weak in! do you have a fucking brain? those people who post dont like how their leaders sell their products. fine. but didnt they ask you to copy their way of selling to customers? their way of communicating with customers? they only ask you to follow the SYSTEM! SYSTEM! fucking hobo! betrayed by a friend? if i wanted to betray you, i would have DONE it a LONG TIME AGO! i would not have considered your feelings and tried to eradicate my feelings for Ayanami and try to go for someone else! if i wanted to betray you, i would have taken Ayanami away from you years back! if i wanted to betray you, i would have not told you the truth about 7th July 2008. but guess what? eventually i did tell you what REALLY happened on 7th July 2008! if i wanted to betray you, i would have lied to you about admission fee and running away with that cash! but none of those are required! if i wanted to betray you, i would have done MANY despicable things that you would have never imagine i could do. you not happy with "botak", come we talk to "botak" PERSONALLY. i have no objections. i have NOTHING to hide. by just reading what you say on that post is only one side of the story. to be fair, you gotta hear the other side, which is from "botak" himself. otherwise, you are being biased yourself. while you were a buddhist, did you ask the christian pastor " can you show me a MAN that HAVE gone to heaven? " why DONT you? and the pastor CANT show you because NOBODY has gone through judgement day YET! if we go through judgement immediately after we die, there would be such day called judgement day would there? how would you pastor tell you that you can go to heaven? they would tell you to do good deeds. same thing goes for this business. you gotta work hard for it! like what one of them posted on that web/forum. " there is no free lunch" it is true! when you make money, people above you get money. they get TRAINING commission for training YOU when YOU get PROMOTED. and the commission is given BY the COMPANY. NOT YOU! you have NOT tried the products, how would you know it works? i KNOW it WORKS because i HAVE tested it. its like buying food. some guy tells you, that particular chicken rice stall is the best among all. would you trust him straight away? you WILL try it out first right? same thing applies here. that is why go through the training and let you TRY the product to prove to you that it DOES work. why no BGR? simple. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG YOU AND LEE WAY WILL LAST TOGETHER? the answer is simply no. there are long and short relationships. why they dont allow BGR is that they don not want PERSONAL affairs to affect their WORK. if you are PROFESSIONAL, you will have BGR without people knowing because you are able to differentiate work and personal life! if you think i have not come across all these people who look down on this company, i have. i know a person whom have join this company but left and you know him as well. i shall not state his real name but rather i name him as Shawn. Shawn went through the product presentation, went through the business plan. but when he found out i joined the company, he told it it cannot be done. then i just asked him ONE question. " did you COME BACK for training to find out about the remaining 80% about the company? " he said NO. of course he said cannot make it because he have not even STARTED! he did not even give it a TRY! before doing ANYTHING, would you know how well you would do? DOY YOU? trust, believe, follow. this is a strong quote. do YOU trust, believe and follow JESUS? even when you have NOT met him face to face? but why do you choose to do so? because you trust, you believe and thus you follow! im sure you heard of christians who changed their religion. this means that they are leaving christianity. if they do that don't you think there are things that your religion is hiding from you? something that they are not telling thus causing people to leave? something that caused the people who left to feel inferior, to feel like they are being used? why don't you leave too if that is the case? do you know WHY EXACTLY did they leave? of course not! because you have not asked them. like working adults, when they change jobs, there are several reasons which includes PERSONAL REASONS. how would you know those people who left due to personal reasons? have you asked them YOURSELF? i know one person who left due to personal reasons. my manager DID NOT take 3 months to be a business manger. he took about a year. i am not sure whether i can hit BM in 3 months but i DO MY BEST. did i take a fast and short time to be able to really understand maths like you do? NO I DID NOT! I TOOK 5 FUCKING YEARS TO UNDERSTAND IT! sofia is also in this business but she choose to do it slowly because she has some personal problems and barriers. but did anybody for her to hit BM in 3 months? NO! because people have different capabilities. another example would be, to compare us and the 1992 express student. why did they take 1 year earlier to sit for O levels? because our results shown what we are capable of. but did we sit for O levels like them in the end? YES WE DID. so what is the difference. both us and the express students hold the O level certificate! does it matter WHEN you achieve it? FUCKING HELL NO! what matters is your points. you may ask, so what is so important about these points? these points shows the AMOUNT OF HARD WORK YOU PUT IN. that is what matters. the lower your points, the more effort it shows that you have put in. what matters is your determination and drive to ACHIEVE your goals. you still doubt about car achievers? come i intro to you some of them when you decide to come back. if you don't come back, why don't you? afraid that i CAN prove to you that there are people who HAVE ACHIEVED their car and CAN SHOW it to you? stop being so narrow minded. be open minded and see things from both sides and a different perspective. how would you expect yourself to be a psychologist when you are narrow minded. all job fields and walks of life requires you to be open minded so that you can see a clearer picture, a bigger picture of what is happening. like you have commented about a pastor that gave a rude comment about buddhism. you get offended because you know they do GOOD and not bad. WHY DID YOU ONLY COPY THE PERSON WHO BAD MOUTH ABOUT THE COMPANY AND NOT COPY AND PASTE PEOPLE WHO HAVE SAID PLEASANT THINGS ABOUT THE COMPANY? this is a typical singaporean way. people would rather spread bad news and gossips rather than the truth. why? because they want SYMPATHY from the public. do you hear your parents come back from home making so much noise and happy about their promotion/pay rise? no, they would rather keep quiet about it. but when you parents get retrenched or fired, they would bad mouth their company like there's no tomorrow. but would they have gone to their neighbours to tell them about their company giving them a promotion or a pay rise? no they dont. people would rather talk about another person's flaws than the good things the other person have done for them. would you have talked bad about me liking Ayanami and keeping it as a secret as claim me to be a bastard? maybe you already have. but have you told the world, i tried to forsake those feelings and give you a chance to try to impress her? you probably have not. why dont you? because it is something that people wont spread. cause if you think i would betray and cheat you, fyi, i asked pei yun whether she wanted to join me too. and yo DO know that me and pei yun are BEST friends, do you think i would cheat on her after all she has done for me? think again arse. all your remarks are just pissing me off. i shan't continue. i gotta get some sleep. still ain't satisfied? you know how to look for me. don't pretend you dont.

2010-02-11T22:05:00.002+08:00

WALAO! nasri is a 1 day Marketing Executive leh! lucky arse! his parents can buy the items mahh. Good lorh. haha. i must hit my Marketing Manager man.. if not i'll kill myself. and i wana go for the thailand incentive trip! if i hit MM i hit the quota for the trip! :D wooo! oh god! pls let me hit my MM.

2010-02-09T23:58:00.002+08:00

went out with ky, shir, sy, st and von today to celebrate ah von's bdae. went to meet ky, shir, sy and von at CSM at 2 plus at the arcade. was fun though! :D then st came to join us around 5? or was it 4? cant remember. but she came in school uniform. 0.0 oh well nvm about that. went to eat at seoul garden. holy shit! i ate alot! :O the ice cream w marshmallow is nice! RAWRS! i want more! hahaha. then the cake arrived. but sadly, didnt get to taste it. von brought it home. after dinner, went to shir's hse. she has a dog?! since when? LOL. kinda cute though. haha. after playing around, its time to head back. wanted to...but ohh wells. nvm then.

do be careful! :)

i still hold on to it.
im still yours to rule.

Ayanami Rei Sky

2010-02-07T02:48:00.002+08:00

being pushed to my limits
not sure how I'll fair
my mind is gonna explode from thinking of solutions
time is not in my favour
i feel the pressure

incomplete
obscure

Pure Hearts and stumble
In my hands they crumble
And fragile and stripped to the core
I can't hurt you anymore
Loved by numbers
You loosing, life's wonder
And touch like strangers detached
I can feel you anymore

And sunshine, trapped in our hearts
It could rise again, but I'm lost
And crushed
I'm cold and confused with no guiding light left inside
You were guiding, light
Wooohooo WOAH

*Guitar Solo*

Hooooooo, Hooooooooo, Mhoooooo, Haaaaaaaaa
And come from and wont come befouled I still reach for you
But I'm lost and I'm crushed
I'm cold and confused but not guiding light
You're my guiding, light.
You're my guiding, light.
There is no guiding, light left inside.
There's no guiding light in us.

2010-02-06T04:46:00.001+08:00

my world starts crumbling once again
another scar
another wound

i'll still be there
i'm still yours to keep
if you still care

ayanami rei sky

2010-02-02T01:33:00.002+08:00

just came back from canine outing. quite okay. wasn't really a 'canine' outing. it was more of my VE group outing. LOL. went to orchard for dinner after work straight from office. we to BK to eat dinner. then we played pool. well it was only like half an hour because we have a movie half an hour after pool. canine watched the movie Blind Side. its a very touching and inspiring story. kinda made me reminisce my life, my failures and successes. took an 1140pm bus 14 home. didn't alight at Bedok. alighted before that instead. just to... ' after that walked home, stopped by McDonald's to get myself an ice cream.

it was never easy.
it was unrequited.

BELIEVE.

2010-01-31T04:22:00.000+08:00

D:
seems like i cant get my 1-3 days marketing executive. wahh. damn sad sia...again, Mr Dewey Ho's words are being played in my mind like a broken record. i wanted the certificate and that position so badly! oh well. there's still the 1 month marketing manager post and the certificate. but will i be able to achieve it? YES. im making sure i don't fail this time. somehow it just seems that no matter hpw much effort i put in, its just not enough even though that's the best i can give.

pain monopoly
ritual misery

Ayanami Rei Sky~

2010-01-28T21:12:00.002+08:00

urgh! why do i keep repeating the mistakes. i was and still right that 2010 will be the most challenging so far. many thing i cant do, many things i gotta do. i need my moral support. i need motivation. i need help. i need your motivation the most. 1st problem was 'that'...now 'this'. I'm on the edge. but i gotta keep strong. not for me but for others. it just seems that everything i do in life is for others and not for myself. when will i be able to do things for myself. hmm. its okay. though you're not here with me i am always wishing for your guidance, support and motivation. to overcome one problem is complicated but easy however my other problems are not easy but complicated. I'm lost now. i dont really know what to do. i need the drive. things that are going well are now some how falling pieces. the picture was perfect but the paint has now been washed away. soon the picture will be nothing more than a blank paper. to think it was bad enough, a mirror appeared along the way. my mistakes were reflected in the mirror and it shattered into 4. the first piece is lost. another is now beginning to fly away. the final piece is now dulled and may further shatter under the pressure however its trying its best. how long will i survive? many pictures in my life begins to face an interminable attenuation. is my life for others and not myself? if so, i should just be ignorant towards my goals and desires. i guess that is what i should do. its time..

still hoping..
still waiting..
still wishing..

this life that i forsake.

2010-01-25T03:44:00.002+08:00

secrecy - fyan

the air is always foul
we're fighting for survival
this secrecy pervades
they would never
reveal whats behind the curtains
we cant seem to solve these puzzles

this world is covered by a facade
to hide all the excruciating truths and lies
will they ever come to surface
before trust begins to die

where is the justice
and retributions
are they free to walk away
though their hands are stained with violations
they pretend nothing happened

this world is covered by a facade
to hide all the excruciating truths and lies
will they ever come to surface
before trust begins to die

they just don't realize
their eyes have been sealed
don't try to right their wrongs
they'll just turn a deaf ear

this world is covered by a facade
to hide all the excruciating truths and lies
will they ever come to surface
before trust begins to die

when its gone
do not look to hope
as it is forbidden in this land

there's no turning back
the sands of time keeps falling down

2010-01-22T15:18:00.002+08:00

Its been a long long time. Lots of stuff happened. Just dont feel like putting them here.

vestige of the fallen.

you take care of yourself alright?

wouldn't want anything to happen to you.

2010-01-07T02:30:00.000+08:00

today, 7 January will be the 2nd last time before it is all over.
like i say: the fate escape the flood

bear with it.

2010-01-06T02:23:00.001+08:00

cant sleep again.
its still occupied and won't seem to go vacant.
will it stop? D:
where is it?
the day that i fear is coming.

3691420

2010-01-03T17:50:00.002+08:00

went to jam with keith and xuan yesterday at bishan. boy, were they shocked. hahah. there was PIZZA and CHOCOLATE FONDUE! RAWR! hmm. jammed misery business, pieces, still waiting and some i forgot. :X well cam eup with another song but not finished yet. Xuan's keyboard skills are freaking IMBA now. WOO! hahaha. went nack at 830. took bus 88 to pasir ris to accompany the two love birds. haha. keith sent her home then met me at mac. he had his supper/dinner then we head home. BUT we MISSED the LAST train. wow. grear. so we walk home. we palnned to go my house for a sleepover but keith's dad went to fetch him at Tampines SAFRA while i continued to walk home. walked past THE block. if only i could...hmmm. oh well continued to walk home. reached home at freaking 2 am. hahah. Long or what? was too tired to blog at that time. hahaha. had to wake up at 0745hrs JUST TO GO FOR SOME SCHOLARSHIP THINGY. haiyo. cant i sleep? hahaha. oh wells. till here then. bye!

09333. :O

2010-01-02T01:58:00.002+08:00

Wanted to update yesterday but was tired. went for countdown! awesome luhh! If only you were there. :( the last set of fireworks imba! haha. After countdown went to meet Sam's friends with Arham, his girl, me, Wai kwong and Afiq. We thought there'll be lots of his friends but only got three. WTH! Hmm. nonetheless, we met them, shisha-ed, drank Hoegarden. Wahh...the beer taste like shit! hahaha! The worst ever! haha. hmm. well will be waking up at 11 later to go bishan and jamm. haha. till then, see you guys! and im still hungry..

imy ya knw? :(

D:

2009-12-27T02:46:00.002+08:00

yay! i got new headphone and shades for myself! thanks aunt Jules! haha. but well the happiness didn't last long. After a few text messages. The content made me reminisce my times with Ayanami. Haiz.

Why this silence?
Why this hostility?
Why this ignorance?
Why this obscurity?

I'm getting worse everyday.

)':

xxxxx

2009-12-26T02:33:00.003+08:00

sorry Keith and xuan! D: i was playing game and i didn't realised Keith talking to me on msn to ask you to go online! argh! Gomen! :( Christmas was boring~! Went to play soccer at some field in Bendemeer. Was told to play left back. gosh i suck at left back. Can somebody put me at center mid again? I ain't used to watching my last man. hahah! Oh wells..experience Fyan, experience. hahaha. Seems like I'm getting better at DOTA. LOL. hmm. Now i feel like a complete zombie. Ain't got any feelings and I'm Damn bored. Maybe i should force myself to sleep. haha..i guess this is it...

where's Ayanami?....
D;

2009-12-24T02:13:00.002+08:00

I'm still awake. Went out with Rina today(23dec) pei her go find christmas gifts. LOL. She bought me a Evangelion lighter! Cool shit. haha! Thanks Rina! :D BUT...need to fill in the zippo myself. =.= hahahah! hmmm. Aiyo, Suntec again sia. Heart pain again. Then after that met Sam and his friend at Funan. Had a quick bite and we're off to play soccer. Didnt want to press my button because i know the outcome. lol After a while Wai kwong reached simei to play soccer with us. Wahh..played like crap for the beginning. But after a while, got my flux. So i pressed my button and scored. LOL. After that, very hardcore game. The opponent play like fucked up sia just because i managed to get past them. =.= wth. Didn't consider them as matreps but in the end had to.. lol. Just because you idiots couldn't get the ball doesn't you guys can play like motherF'ers! Useless to learn so many tricks but you don't master them. i learn two but i master them. Too bad ar you can't get the ball. Go and PRACTICE! lol. what the hell am i talking? hahahah. My mind is going haywire. hahahah.

i just wish....

2009-12-22T12:37:00.002+08:00

woke up at 1000hrs. almost wanted to shower then rina called. She say today outing cancelled because got dunno what thing that she forgot, its some family thingy. hahah! oh wells, at least I'm at Bishan.Prepared my breakfast at 12. 5 minutes later, my family came back and bought for me food. LOL! at least i still get to eat my meal i prepared for myself. Guess what did i make? ..........Toasted buttered bread + egg + cheese + salami + hot chocolate sauce! :D wooo! I didnt know got Wii at home. Now Bishan is like a gaming heaven. There's PS3, XBOX 360 and Wii. Played Wii with my cousin. Haiz..Wii made me recall those times again. D: I still remember. i was 7 July. We played Wii at Shirley's house. Had loads of fun back then. :D But now it just seize to exist in your memory.

2009-12-22T00:43:00.003+08:00

my mind is still intoxicated
it's the reason I'm still awake
my feelings for you are pure and was never fabricated

have those days passed by without leaving any marks in your memory?
i kept those promises i made
but i wonder whether you are an undercover misery

i remained stealth behind the ebony curtains
i clambered up the stairs of success
but in the end i had to return

i gave in to others due to sympathy
and i watched them in joy
but i kept my agony in secrecy

you are my venom and my cure
its excruciating but soothing
abandoning me as I'm obscure

the days i wont forget:
18 July
18 August
22 August
26 August
28 August
29 August
20 September

if only you can remember the events that took place during these days.

2009-12-22T00:03:00.000+08:00

im still awake. haha. i wanna sleep but can't sleep. ohh and HAPPY BIRTDAY SOFIAAA. hahaha! lol. somebody give me the cure and sleeping pills please. :D

FUCK LAR!

2009-12-21T23:11:00.003+08:00

why sia. i had a fun day! on the day i have fun people around me gets shit. Might as well just make me sad lar so that others are happy rite? Wahh.. Why the hell he do that sia..haiz. C'mon man, i told YOU to take it as a CHALLENGE and not a BURDEN. don't just because of that you don't wanna go for it? YOU'll be doing much more damage that you'd think YOU'll be doing. YOU were hoping for the same affection but when it's in YOUR grasp, YOU want to THROW it away. Why the FUCK are YOU doing THAT? ohh..and this entry ain't about me.

FUCK LAR!

2009-12-21T23:11:00.001+08:00

hahaha~!

2009-12-21T16:30:00.005+08:00

HAHAHAH! AMek kau boi! :D

KHAI THE APEK!

Jamiyah exam results and keith's birthday

2009-12-21T00:15:00.011+08:00

look at the time now. i just reached home. hahaha. Haven't even bathe sia. haha. xD YES AR! I PASSED THE EXAM! WOOO~! Should i continue in jamiyah next year? Dont feel like going for the Remaja Module ar. Went to Long John Silver at Paya Lebar. Wow. Lj went through a mojo makeover. Kinda have a better aesthetic appeal now. Damn cool ar! It got those side seats thingy. Hahaha. Fauzan was so nice to treat me. Hahaha! Thanks dude! Then we're off to bugis! After browsing through the music shops and did my 1st hand research, its off to Suntec City. Haiz. It brings back so much memories. I don't know whether i should cherish or discard them. Its like adding salt to an open wound. I didn't actually want to go there but Fauzan wanted to go there. At least that makes him happy. Its 1530HRS! Time to make my way to WOODLANDS! Far or what! Its time to celebrate Keith's birthday. Bloody hell! Bus 912 took freaking 45 minutes to arrive. what the hell man. Ended up at Keith's at 1745hrs. His friends were there too. They were quite nice ar. Then his Malay friends came followed by two other Chinese girls. At first i didn't really took notice of them both till Keith told me to sit with the two girls. =.= DAMN! One of them looked like Ayanami. I was sitting there fucking speechless. The looks(kinda. haha), the way she talked, the way she dressed was damn fucking similiar! I was like..shit. Just like the real deal. Everybody minded their own business. One of the Malay boys came to entertain me, khairul nizam was his name, friendly dude and quite a joker. Hahaha! Kaypo or what? He will try to jump into the Chinese girls' conversations. HAHAH! Around 1915hrs it was time for the games. Well GAME actually because there was only ONE game. Roll two dices and different numbers will determine different outcomes. The outcomes? Fill the glass half/full with alcohol, drink the whole glass of alcohol or skip to the next person. I dragged 2 halves. The others just probably the same amount as me. Guess what? Keith was "tipsy" and "drunk" LOL! only 4.8% how could he have gotten drunk? haha! The time was 2000hrs. The Malay Group and the Chinese girls left. But....not before khai, that Chinese girl i mentioned earlier and me took a photo. First time new person wanna take photo with me. LOL LOL! HAHA! ohh and i found out her name before she left, it was Judy. lol. Can't i go on for a day without being reminded of Ayanami? :( Then Farhan came to my house to slack. He came to my house drunked. LOL. is today a drinking day or something? Jealous or what? He drunk a 70% alcohol! RAWR! I want one too! Oh well he's home now. Luckily he didn't vomit or something in my house. If not, i'd kill him. hahaha! This is it i guess? Bye! See ya!

wow

2009-12-20T06:06:00.001+08:00

cool. i know how to edit my blog thingy. haha. thanks liyana! I still haven't sleep. once again, people wake up, i sleep. gonna go sleep now. gotta wake up at 0900hrs. after collecting my results, i gotta go Bishan for photo taking then proceed to Woodlands to help Keith with his birthday celebration. Good night readers! or should i say, Good Morning! lol.

nervous

2009-12-20T03:19:00.000+08:00

tomorrow is the release of my Jamiyah religous school exam results. actually its today because its already sunday. :S hope i pass man. wishing for words of encouragement but sadly no such things exist in the world i live in. you were never there when i need you but why do i still give a fuck about you?

first entry

2009-12-20T02:30:00.000+08:00

how much do i treasure it? how badly do i want it? good things comes to those who wait? i don't think so. to achieve success, perseverance and determination is needed. i don't think so too. why can't things compromise? why must there be a balance to everything? why must there be a negative when there's a positive? why do people suffer while others are having fun? why are people around me in chagrin when I'm finally elated? why do i always give in to others? sacrificing my desires for others always hurts one way or another. why am i so patient? I'm beginning to lose my confidence. after knowing the truth, you decide to run away. great. so much for not wanting to be best friends. >.< haiz. the " I'll text/call you only when i need you. other than that, Fuck off! " sign is smacked straight to my face again. FML. =.=''' I'm such a good spare tyre. its only love. moshimo negai hitotsu dake kanau nara. kimi no soba de nemurasete donna basho demo kekkou.